Posted December 26, 2013 by

7 of the Worst Resumes Ever

Aaron Gouveia

Aaron Gouveia, contributing writer

Resumes and cover letters are often the first things seen by hiring managers and the deciding factors that determine whether or not you get a job interview. Armed with that knowledge, most people spend copious amounts of time crafting them, honing them, and even paying professionals to write it for them.

And then there are those who don’t.

The following examples will likely be difficult to believe, but there really are some people out there who give zero thought to how they come across to potential employers. Their resumes are misspelled, lack any and all semblance of grammar, and often contain wildly inappropriate (yet hilarious) personal information.

Here are seven things you should definitely not do to your resume/cover letter if you ever want to be taken seriously (and to avoid the Internet’s Hall of Shame).

7. Know When to Hold ‘Em, When to Fold ‘Em

With all due respect to Kenny Rogers, when you’re dealing with resumes it’s best not to morph into The Gambler.

A man known only as “Eric” submitted one of the more epic resumes in recent memory when he hailed himself as someone who would “claw my way to the top using any means necessary…but then be a fair and just ruler.” He also listed “ESP” and “sexy dancing” as employable attributes. Also, under experience he cites “a very fast metabolism” and “enough knowledge to write an essay on pretty much any subject (without researching it).”

Oh Eric…

6. HIGHer Learning

Ever hear the phrase “too much of a good thing?”

When it comes to this real-life viral resume, upon first glance items such as “intuitive understanding of supply and demand economics,” “ran my own delivery service,” “had a consistent clientele with high customer satisfaction,” and “good with money” all seem like good things.

Except for the fact that all of these skills were garnered as a “Marijuana dealer & nefarious dude.

Let this be a reminder that you don’t have to include every job you’ve ever had.

5. A Grave Mistake

It’s a good idea to target specific companies for which you want to work during your job search. You should learn about them, what’s happening with them in the news, what the company’s financial state is, etc. And it’s a great idea to get leads on when internal job openings are being posted.

But this guy took things too far when he tried to dance on someone’s grave.

This overeager jobseeker noticed the Technical Director of a company had died, and then mistook that as a chance to get his foot in the door by applying for the deceased’s job. His cover letter stated “Each time I apply for a job, I get a reply that there’s no vacancy but in this case I have caught you red-handed and you have no excuse because I even attended the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying.”

He then attached a copy of the man’s death certificate along with his resume. Yup. Just let that classiness wash over you for a second.  Continue reading . . .

Article by Aaron Gouveia and courtesy of

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Posted in Advice for Candidates, Career Advice, Job Search, Resumes | Tagged Tagged , , , , , , , , ,