Helicopter Parents: Are You One of Them?

The term “helicopter parents” has gained some prominence over the past few years to describe some parents of Gen Y young adults. These parents are always hovering over their children, hence the reference to helicopters. Rather than allowing their children to make the mistakes which are necessary for them to become independent, these parents are in constant contact with their children and make most of the big decisions for them. To compound the problem, whenever their children face adversity, they know that their parents will be at their side and that the fights will be carried out by the parents, ostensibly on behalf of their children.

Being involved in the lives of your children is good. It is healthy, normal, and desirable. But being overly involved is not good. So when is involvement healthy and when does it cross the line into being unhealthy? One question you can ask yourself is if your actions are more akin to that of a coach, which is healthy, or a fellow player, which is unhealthy. Provide structure, give advice, and serve as a role model but let your child be the player. They need to take action and they need to make mistakes. If they don’t want what you want, that’s okay. It is their life to live, not yours.
So how do you tell if you’re a helicopter parent? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you search college websites for your child?
2. Do you have a strong influence over the high school courses your child takes?
3. Do you play the lead role in planning and scheduling your child’s activities?
4. Are you planning to prepare your child for campus interviews?
5. Do you plan on directly contacting faculty, coaches, or other individuals at the colleges your child is interested in?
6. Do you review the publications and other materials colleges send to your child?
7. Are you planning to write your child’s application essays or fill out his or her college applications?
8. Do you meet with the high school counselor about college plans without your child present?
9. Do you discuss with friends or relatives colleges that might be a good fit for your child?
10. Have you helped your child find a job or discussed his or her future career possibilities?
11. Have you discussed with your child which colleges you can afford and how your family will pay for them?
12. Do you encourage your child to apply to certain schools or add schools to your child’s list for consideration?

Now go review the results at the College Board web site.