One Foot Out the Door

After the past few days, I think there is nothing more exhausting and nerve-wracking than working out your 2 weeks notice, especially when you’re leaving a “real job.” Maybe extra especially when your bosses are the owners of the company. They have actually been really nice about it, saying they understand and that everyone should be doing what they want to be doing. I know they’ve noticed the tension and my frustration with my position there, and it really has nothing to do with them as managers or people. Well, they do micromanage me more than I prefer, but I think all small business owners are likely to be like that. They want a hand in every aspect of the business, constantly, and they’re always changing directions to grow and stay afloat. And they make it personal.
That’s the one thing about working for a Mom and Pop — and leaving a Mom and Pop especially — is that they make it very personal, and it shouldn’t be. Business can be influenced by the personal certainly, but at the end of the day, it should be business. Sure, I choose a job based on what’s fun and interesting to do and the kind of people I’ll be working with, but at the end of the day, it’s really about the health of my career, the opportunities it will open, and the growth and accomplishments it will allow me.
So, it was really just that I wasn’t cut out for the job. I’m not a good assistant of any kind. I have no trouble working with others or even reporting to a manager, but I do have trouble with not being given the big picture, not being given a set of deadlines and personal goals that I can meet or exceed, and being constantly switching projects, switching direction, and not given any real independence. I need to be able to assert myself, think up creative solutions, implement them, and excel. Or fail, if that’s what happens, and then move on. I know I can do that on a “team,” too, as long as there’s a clear expectation of my contribution and role.
How can you really begin and establish a career if you’re being constantly pulled off projects before you can allow them to be successful, if your business is constantly changing its goals (besides the “just make money” goal), and you know that your contributions — which are really appreciated by your bosses — won’t really matter in the fields you want to go into? You just can’t.
It’s hard when you’re leaving not to make it about every little thing that ever bothered you, but that’s not really why I’m leaving. I’m leaving because it’s not the job, not the field, and not the place for me. Even that’s hard to explain without sounding bad or hurting their feelings, so you wind up talking in platitudes — “It was an offer I couldn’t refuse” or “It was just a really great place” — and hoping nobody asks the deep questions. In the end what it really boils down to is something they could have accommodated (though even then I can’t guarantee how long I’d stay) but even if they ask, I can’t tell them that. I know they’d just get mad.
How could they have accomodated it? Well, it’s something Geena Davis’s new VP said on that short-lived television show about a female president — “If you want someone worth a damn in this job, you’ve got to make the job worth a damn.” (I didn’t even watch that show much, but that line has always stuck with me for some reason.) He was talking about having his own area of responsibility where he could really manage it without a huge amount of influence from her, and that’s exactly what I wanted. It’s also why I like sales. Sales managers are usually pretty hands off once you get good at your job, because the #1 thing they want is good numbers.
So, handling the big “WHY?” is extremely difficult, and there’s only so much avoiding you can do. Avoiding the question for 80+ hours over two weeks sure isn’t easy.
P.S. Sorry to quote a television show. I try not to. 😉