For all my fellow English Majors…

Having recently graduated with a B.A. in English and an outstanding GPA, one would think that I am on the path to inevitable success in the “real world,” in other words, I will be landing the perfect post-grad job. Ah yes, the degree in English teaches one excellent written and verbal communication skills acquired from all of those five-to-seven page critical analyses of Wurthering Heights, and Emily Dickinson poems, etc. And, after all, isn’t this what every position requires? Oh—and don’t forget, the major in English affords one versatility and teaches her how to perform well in every position because the skills achieved through the study of literature are invaluably the essentials to every successful career woman—or at least every English professor. Because the study of literature teaches exactly that—how to study literature. Unknowingly, leading unsuspecting and, probably previously undecided, English Majors on the path to—oh don’t say it—teaching. Please forgive me if for you entire life you have felt the passion and the desire to stand in front of the classroom while taming 30 children in an effort to make at least one point from that day’s lesson remain in their disinterested minds after the end-of-period bell sounds. But, if you haven’t felt this way since you can remember, then the decision to teach was probably your plan B in the event that you couldn’t find another job when you graduated, or because no one ever explained to you exactly what all those versatile positions are that you should be so ready to undertake.
While I truly do possess the love for words and books that most majors of literature share, I have to point out the misfortunes of the English curriculum and the shortcomings of those who have taken the path to the PhD (also known as your English professors). I’m sure that most of the English curriculums in the nation look awfully similar. You must take one course in blah blah, and one in blah blah blah, and so forth. And all of those blah blahs refer to a particular time period or topic in literature. But, what if we were allowed to choose from classes that offered us practical skills that could be applied to actual careers other than teaching? And what if those classes actually helped us understand our options in the “real world” and then went so far as to assist us in narrowing down our likes and dislikes in those available industries of potential employment? What if instead of being permanent college students, our professors had actually had real life experiences working in some of these industries, and were therefore fit to show us the real ropes, or better yet, offer us some networking contacts in the field?
I know that college is not the institution you attend with the understanding that you will most definitely have a job upon graduation, but let’s be real. I did not spend five years bartending my way through college to continue bartending after college. It’s time for the English curriculum to start offering that versatility in the form of some useful courses in proofreading, copyediting, how to write other things than those damn literary analyses, writing marketing and ad campaigns, speech writing or technical writing, how a book is made, publishing, how to sell/market a book, the business behind books and newspapers and magazines. These courses would develop these mysterious essential skills in all of us, while helping us decide where exactly we fit in as English majors in the real world. Don’t waste our major credit on analyzing “Leaves of Grass” for an entire semester, but allow us to gain some real world experience before we walk through the gates and turn our tassels.