Question:

My boss just told me that I don't have proper business etiquette. He said that I need to learn how to properly shake hands and make eye contact. How do I learn how to do that?

First Answer:

Consult the advice of an etiquette expert such as Lou Kennedy, the author of Essential Business Etiquette and and Business Etiquette for the Nineties.

-- Rene' Hart, Resumes for Success!

Second Answer:

You are in good company. Much recent media space has been dedicated to the lack of eye-contact by some politicians and the many conclusions drawn from the reasons why they refuse to make eye-contact.

Non-verbal communication is a very important part of human communication. Such things as handshakes, eye contact and body language are vital, particularly in western society. Each of these indicators or "coders" as they are known in the field of Psychology have been studied in-depth particularly as they pertain to women.

It is generally believed that handshaking and eye contact as greeting behaviors are held as first observations of personality.Remember the "first impression" your Mom told you about? The strength, duration, vigor, eye contact and completeness of the grip are factors used instinctively to initially evaluate you and put a form that first impression.

To how do you learn the rules to form the best first impression? What is a "proper" handshake and appropriate eye contact? Awareness, someone calling it to our attention, can help us modify and improve a poor handshake. However, it will still be just like us, assured or timid, warm or cool. This to can be said about eye contact.

Why not ask you boss what she/he desires or feels is expected/proper behavior. At least you will have a basis upon what and perhaps where to start from the very individual who feels there is a limitation in your presentation.

Tips and tricks are in books and videotapes available on the web or in self-help section of larger bookseller, found under "Business Etiquette."

You might consider looking into a class that may be offered by your community college. These classes are often identified as "Life Skills or Education to Work" or a similar title.

There are specialist "image consultants" that offer training in the field of business etiquette. A web search using Netscape Category:
BUSINESS>CONSULTING>IMAGE CONSULTANTS or CUSTOMS AND ETIQUETTE>

Essentially, once the knowledge is in place, it must be a conscientious decision in each situation to remember to "adjust" our behavior to fit what is expected.

-- Robert C. Resch, Career Center, Triton College

Third Answer:

You're in luck! My new career guide in an electronic format (E-book) called "YOU ARE THE PRODUCT-How to Sell Yourself To Employers" has an entire section on how to shake hands, and how to handle interviews and other business-contacts. It even has a section on handling difficult situations like an interview meal! It's an inexpensive download you can get in minutes at http://users.rcn.com/adunham/yatp1.html. You might also read the short, E-guide EVERYONE WANTS TO MEET YOU by THE ADVICE SISTERS at which will give you confidence, poise, and the "polish" you need in social situations of all types! You might also consider reading a business etiquette book. It may upset you to know that your boss doesn't think you've got enough social-savvy, but s/he did you a favor by being honest and telling you. These are skills you can easily learn. Good luck!

-- Alison Blackman Dunham, life & career expert, columnist, personal public relations consultant, half of THE ADVICE SISTERS®, and the author of the ASK ALISON career advice column.

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