We must strive to reach the point that we do it without thinking of it as a "skill" or "technique" (just as some of us tell our young children, when dealing with strong emotions with another person, to "use their words," rather than hitting).

But to get to that point, we must make a constant conscious effort to listen. There are three simple steps to effective listening:

1. Put your personal agenda aside.

This is, I think, the most common obstacle to effective listening. Here's my point: have you ever sat through a conversation with another person, and as they were speaking to you, you went "ahuh," and nodded, all along thinking in your own mind how you would respond? I remember doing this quite a bit in the workplace when I was younger, always with a personal agenda not to truly understand the other's perspective, but to impress the other person with how smart I thought I was.

How can this be avoided? It's very simple. When you attend such an interview, or when another person asks for your attention, you need to consciously command yourself, "Okay, I know I have other things on my mind right now. But this person has something important to share and discuss, and so I will have to come back to those other things a little later."

Once you get the hang of it, it really IS as simple as it sounds. It just takes practice.

2. Maintain undivided attention.

I just pointed out that you should not be distracted. Further, you must make a habit showing sincerity�that you want to listen and understand. This means providing regular eye contact, and establishing a clear connection with the other person. Your temperament and body language must be inviting.

Further, give undivided attention. Don't allow your mind to wander, or to fall into the old habit of thinking about what you will say next. If you catch this happening, and you miss what the other is saying, simply ask them to back up and repeat it for your own clarification. There is nothing wrong with this.

As you hear the other point of view, place yourself in it. Imagine their situation, imagine that you were them, and begin to approach the situation from their own perspective. This is a powerful exercise in gaining a true understanding of another human being--and an important step in making a connection and building relationships.

Receive the rest of this book free by registering for our free career newsletter.


FREE Receive new job postings by e-mail FREE Career consultation FREE Resume writing help
FREE Career Newsletter Receive tips from our experts and free copies of our job search, interviewing, internship and networking books.
� Copyright 1996-2005 CollegeRecruiter.com  All rights reserved.