By Terese Corey Blanck and Peter Vogt

You come to any interaction with your own biases. We all do; it's normal. If you're going to be an effective career coach to your young-adult son or daughter, however, you need to understand and deal with your biases so that they don't get in the way.

That's not always easy! After all, it's your child we're talking about here - and your biases may pull on you (and thereby your son/daughter as well) even stronger than they might if you were trying to help someone else.

Fortunately, you can learn how to address your biases before you begin the career exploration process with your son/daughter. Here's how:

Before you sit down with your child to discuss his/her career aspirations and thoughts, take an honest assessment of your own aspirations and thoughts where your child's future is concerned. Begin by spending a few minutes clearing your brain, as if you were preparing for a relaxation retreat and you needed to get rid of all the stress of the day. This is called a mindful approach - one that allows your thoughts to become uncluttered so that you can focus on the good feelings you have for your child.

Mindful: "Attentive, open to the possible, regarding with care, humbly observant, conscious" - these are just a few of the dictionary definitions of what it means for you to be mindful. Try these exercises to get yourself into a mindful mood:

• Picture your child on his/her first day of school all those years ago … or during some other positive event that occurred when he/she was little. Remember how you felt at just that moment? Let yourself smile and feel that joy again - right now.
• Take a short walk and focus your mind on all the joy you've experienced so far with your son/daughter.
• Find your family's photo album and curl up in a comfy chair or on the couch. Look through all the years you've had together with your child and remember all the good times with him/her.

When your mind is more clear, think carefully about how you can encourage your child and help him/her during the career journey in the most positive way. Then develop a list of the top three to five of your biases that you're aware of that could hinder your son/daughter (and you) in his/her career exploration process. For example:

• "An elite school is the best place for my child."
• "I should fill out my son's/daughter's application so that it gets done right."
• "My child should go to college close to home so that he/she won't get homesick or lonely."
• "It's best to decide on a major as soon as possible."

Now, look at each of the bias statements you've written down and ask yourself a simple question: "Why?" That is, why do you have this bias? Where did it come from? Is it accurate? Is it based on fact or is it something you've merely "heard" (possibly from a less-than-reliable source)?

Then ask yourself, "How will these biases help or hinder my son's/daughter's career exploration process?" Be honest about your responses to this critical question.

Once you've pinpointed your biases, analyzed them, and perhaps even changed or dismissed them, you can decide how you want to proceed with your child on this issue. Remember: You're dealing with your child's future, not your own. Every person is unique. So while your son/daughter may share some of your traits, he/she likely has some traits of his/her own as well. Honor them - because one way or another, your child must (and will) eventually find his/her own path.

Studies show that the most successful people are those who find careers matching their passions and their innate talents and abilities. If you, as a parent career coach, can assess your own biases and help your son/daughter uncover his/her own unique traits, qualities, abilities, and passions, you will have given your child an awesome gift - the greatest potential of finding lifelong career satisfaction.

-- Terese Corey Blanck and Peter Vogt are career coaches with College to Career, a Minneapolis company that offers personal career coaching geared to the unique needs of high school and college students. To learn more about College to Career, visit the company's web site at www.collegetocareer.net or contact Terese Corey Blanck, President, at 763-494-4447 or tblanck@collegetocareer.net.

Copyright © 2003, Terese Corey Blanck and Peter Vogt. All rights reserved.