**********************************************************************
This resume was submitted by an actual jobseeker and is reprinted with
permission. Names and other identifiers have been changed. The critique is
provided by myjobsearch.com, publishers of the largest directory of online
career resources and experts in online job-search. The resume is printed in
text format; comments on the resume are separated by two lines of asterisks.
**********************************************************************
Mary M. Hughes
1443 S. Main, Hickville, Maryland 02345 (555) 555-1212
___________________________________________________
Personal
43 years old, married with 6 children
Originally from Podunk, Pa., moved to Hickville 25 years ago
**********************************************************************
What's Mary's focus? A first glance at a resume should give the reader an
immediate indication of what they are seeking. Personal information should
never be on a resume. The rule of thumb is that if the reader cannot ask
certain questions due to hiring laws then that information should not be on
the resume.
**********************************************************************
Education
Formal Education- University of Minnesota- Business and Architecture- 2
Years
Practical Business Experience- Managed and owned various small businesses-
22 years
**********************************************************************
Mary should consider putting this lower on the resume. It appears her
experience is stronger than her education. The listing of her "practical
business experience" is a redundant expression of the detail below and is
not appropriate as "education".
**********************************************************************
Experience
Business Management- CEO of Manufacturing Facility (5-40 employees)- 9 years
Business Plans, Financial Projections and Proformas (Spread Sheets)- 5 years
Sales and Marketing (Wholesale, Retail and Licensing of Proprietary
Products)- 15 years
National & International Marketing and Trade Show Coordination- 6 years
Copy Writing- Promotional Literature & Brochures- 5 years
Product Design and Development- 20 years
Pattern Making & Product Prototypes (Plastics, Composites, Metals and Wood)-
10 years
Production Machine and Equipment Design and Fabrication- 5 Years
Contract/Agreement Drafting & Negotiations- 6 Years
**********************************************************************
Mary's experience description is too broad. A resume should be a focused
marketing piece. It may not be necessary to tell everything. A highlight of
relevant information to the targeted position is appropriate. If a call out
section is to be used at the top of a resume it needs to highlight
accomplishments and not experience. Tell the reader how well a job was done
by providing statistics and other quantifying information.
**********************************************************************
Employment
Signs R Us, Inc. Hickville, MD.- Owner and President
Designs By Mary (tm)- Personalized plaques 1997- Present
Product design and Development
Window Waves (tm)- Custom Window Signage 1994-1996
Product design and Development
Flabby Health and Fitness- Honkerville, MD- R&D Department
Fabrication of components for exercise equipment 1996-1997
The Hughes Company- Baltimore, MD. Design and Fabrication Team Member
(Sub contracted by Widgets Galore Inc. of Myrtle Beach, Fl.)
Widget Packaging 1990-1993
Automated Production Equipment Design, Fabrication and Assembly
WidgetMobiles- (Child-sized widgets) 1989
Product Development, Assembly, Design
Aunt Mabel's Gooey Rolls- Jones Township, MD.- Owner and President
Retail Mall Store (similar to Mrs. Fields) 1985-1987
Developed Recipe, Store Concept and Created Operating Manual
Convenience Stores through Wholesale Distributor 1987-1992
Designed store displays, packaging and set up distribution
Water Worx, Inc.- Hot Springs, MD. Owner and President
Hydrotube Tubular Water Slides 1979-1986
Design, Development, Fabrication, Installation, Operation
SkyRider Mountain Slide 1980-1982
Design, development, Fabrication, Installation, Operation
**********************************************************************
The dates used in the employment section are confusing and do not seem to
"fit". Having several dates while serving in the same position is confusing
and probably unnecessary.
**********************************************************************
Other Employment
Far Western Corp, Fiber Optics, Inc., BLM Inc, East Coast Design and
McWhorter Science Design Group.
**********************************************************************
It would seem that Mary has provided sufficient employment history without
adding this section. Without dates, titles, duties or other relevant
information the data here serves no useful purpose.
**********************************************************************
Other Projects
Custom Widget Storage- Boeing
Handrail Coating- BLM
Spiral Binding Lock Devices- McWhorter
Super Straws- Fiber Optics Inc.
**********************************************************************
What's your point, Mary? This does not make sense without some context. Does
Mary want a job in product development, R&D or business management? What do
these projects have to do with anything?
**********************************************************************
Overall, the resume suffers from too much detail with too little focus. If
Mary wants a position in product design then all other irrelevant detail
should be edited from the resume.
**********************************************************************
This resume critique has been brought to you from
http://myjobsearch.com, the job-search and career experts. Visit
http://myjobsearch.com for resume templates and sites where you can post your resume.
