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This resume was submitted by an actual jobseeker and is reprinted with permission. Names and other identifiers have been changed. The critique is provided by myjobsearch.com, publishers of the largest directory of online career resources and experts in online job-search. The resume is printed in text format; comments on the resume are separated by two lines of asterisks.
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LARRY F JONES
6789 SW Northeast Court, Nowhereville, Oregon 97000
(503) 555-1212
JOB TARGET
Sales or management position with a firm that will benefit from my proven
ability to generate new business, service and develop existing accounts and
increase profitability.
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Larry is off to a shaky start with his lack of focus in a job target. While
this is better than many "career objective" statements you see on so many
resumes it is clear that Larry does not know what he wants. There is nothing
in this resume that supports the "management" position Larry says he is
targeting. The job target needs to be a clear headline in bold type.
Something like "SALES MANAGER" would have met Larry's needs nicely.
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EXPERIENCE
BOGUS SALES WEST, INC., Blow Fish, Washington
Regional Account Executive January 1998 - Present
*Currently market labeling solutions for the inventory management, asset
tracking industry.
*Responsible for maintaining and enhancing current client base.
*Developed several new key accounts during my tenure in territory.
*Developed telemarketing program and trained current sales staff on
professional selling and telemarketing procedures.
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Which has the greater impact: the company or the job title? In this case,
the job title is more impressive and more relevant. It would be advisable to
bold the job title and put it first.
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PRIMOCORP, INC., Hectorville, Oregon
Senior Sales Consultant February 1994 - December 1997
*Marketed a full range of computerized payroll, tax filing and report
writing solutions for businesses up to 500 employees.
*Work directly with Sales Manager for interviewing, training and problem
solving with sales staff.
*Primo Club qualifier achieving over 110% of assigned quota.
*Regional four branch sales rep of the year, 1996 and 1997.
*Top 5% producer within 28 branch national corporation.
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This resume buries the good stuff! Identifiable phrases like "Sales Rep of
the Year" or "Top 5% Producer" are lost in a sea of company-specific jargon
that have no relevance to the job target and no meaning to someone reading
the resume. If they are edited and bolded, perhaps the relevance of Larry
obtaining a Sales Manager position would be more obvious.
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DEWEY, CHEATAM AND HOWE INC., Portview, Oregon
Territory Manager October 1991 - January 1994
*Successfully marketed and serviced over 28 different manufacturers to the
grocery industry.
*Increased sales dollars, within territory, by 40%.
*Made consistent presentations to over 40 accounts, covering all product
lines.
*Assisted in training new sales representatives and supervising store
merchandisers.
*Awarded for outstanding performance.
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Larry has done a great job listing accomplishments here but again it is too
bad they are buried. Larry needs to avoid using vague references like
"Awarded for outstanding performance". What does that mean? Always quantify
statements of achievement. The use of numbers is common business language
and will stimulate opportunities in an interview to discuss relevant
characteristics and skills that better serve the target.
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PROPAY DATA PROCESSING, Big Town, Oregon
District Manager May 1988 - September 1991
*Successfully marketed payroll and tax filing services for businesses up to
100 employees.
*Met goal expectations making 10 presentations a week via telemarketing,
cold calling, client referrals and CPA networking.
*Worked extensively with Wells Fargo and US Bank in order to educate and
familiarize them with ADP's products and services.
*President's Club qualifier achieving over 115% of assigned quota.
EDUCATION
UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN NORTH DAKOTA, Podunk, North Dakota
Bachelor of Science, Sociology, four year baseball scholarship. June 1984
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Larry does this right thing in this case by listing his education this far
down on the resume. In his case, his education is less relevant to his job
target.
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INTERESTS
Golf, travel, home improvement, personal growth and sports.
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The listing of personal information such as hobbies is generally
discouraged. In Larry's case however, it may be a plus to mention things
like golf or travel because that information is relevant to a position in
sales where entertaining clients would be part of his job duties.
Non-specific references such as "personal growth" are questionable as Larry
has used it here and should be avoided.
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REFERENCES
References available upon request.
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Many people put this on a resume and it is unnecessary. If references are
requested by a prospective employer be prepared to supply them immediately.
This is the expected behavior. There is no need or relevance in listing this
on the resume.
Some final thoughts on dates used in this resume: be careful to show
consistency. In Larry's case it serves no purpose to list the months. He
could simply state dates in terms of years, 1988-1991 for example. Spelling,
spacing and concise formatting of this information makes it more impactful.
The strategy in using dates can be two-fold: to either highlight longevity
in previous positions or to de-emphasize frequent job changes. Whichever the
case may be, the way dates are formatted and positioned needs to be
carefully considered.
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