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This resume was submitted by an actual jobseeker and is reprinted with permission. Names and other identifiers have been changed. The critique is provided by myjobsearch.com, publishers of the largest directory of online career resources and experts in online job-search. The resume is printed in text format; comments on the resume are separated by two lines of asterisks.
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Jane Doe
123 SW Main
Somecity, OR 97000
Home: (503) 555-1212
Voice Mail: (503) 555-1212
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Jane may want to include her email address. If she puts mailto: in front of the address, it will be a live link on most email systems. For example:
mailto:info@myjobsearch.com
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A successful, results oriented individual with experience in education, business, financial services, and sales. Special depth in:
* Banking/Insurance/Financial Services
* Customer Service/Needs Assessment
* Inside/Outside Sales
* Program Design/Development
* Training/Public Speaking
* Communications/Management
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This resume lacks focus! What type of job does Jane want? Banking jobs are very different from sales jobs. As an HR manager, I don't know which category to put Jane in, and therefore I won't pass her resume on to any of the departments for which I recruit. Because she lists every possible function she thinks she can do, Jane looks indecisive and she doesn't seem to have mastery of any one skill or function. If she can't decide what she's best at, how can I be expected to know?
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Qualifications
Excellent communication skills with diverse and complex individuals/groups.
Creative, effective needs assessment, problem resolution and program design
Works will as team member, independently and interdependently.
Organized, motivated and computer knowledgeable.
A positive, effective, results oriented professional.
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Watch for typos, spelling errors, punctuation violations, and grammar mistakes. Jane should have put a hyphen in *results-oriented* (above), she has a semi-colon and a period next to each other later in the resume, and many of her phrases contain grammar errors. Text-only formatting is no excuse for poor spelling.
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Accomplishments
Business/Financial Services
Knowledgeable in bank services/products including personal/business accounts, loans, lines of credit, various savings accounts/CD's and investment options.
Developed educational/sales presentations for financial services/products in insurance/financial institution settings.
Provided customer service/financial services options/proposals for In-Store
Banking and third-party financial marketing products.
Recruited, screened, evaluated, exempt/non-exempt applicants/resumes for openings in major hi-tech electronics company.
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These items are not accomplishments. They are lists of qualifications or responsibilities. Jane should tell us how well she did these things rather than just telling us that she did them. For example, instead of *Provided customer service for In-Store Banking products* she could say *Maintained highest customer satisfaction record in the customer service department for In-Store Banking products.* Now that's an accomplishment! If you ever improved a process or procedure, saved somebody time or money, or generated more revenue, those are accomplishments. If you did something no one else had done before, that is an accomplishment. If you had a great idea that got used, that is an accomplishment. Tell the results you got, not just the activities you performed.
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Sales/Marketing
Product knowledge and experience include: banking and financial services, products/options; insurance, securities, i.e. annuities, life insurance, mutual funds variable life/annuities; home equity loans/lines of credit; new accounts/savings.
Additional sales/marketing experience in: adult personal and professional growth seminars, fine jewelry; home furnishings/improvement; retail clothing.
Successful and experienced in both inside/outside sales/marketing.
Training/Program Development
Conducted in-service classes for engineer managers/supervisors on Affirmative Action/EEO guidelines during interviews and work setting.
Instructed ten week Human Resource Management course for business owners/managers through Community College.
Designed and implemented workshops for job/career change for re-entering injured workers returning to work, resulting in highest percentage of participants returning to work at that time.
Developed and presented 100+ workshops and seminars in career assessment, interview skills, and resume design for students/adults in university/community college Placement Centers and community.
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After consulting with Jane, I found that she wanted a job in training and development. So I advised her to completely eliminate the *Business/Financial* and *Sales/Marketing* sections of her resume and to add more detail to the training section.
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EDUCATION/TRAINING/LICENSES
Masters Degree in Education: State University; Somecity Oregon, 1976.
Career and Guidance Counseling; Personnel Administration
Currently renewing existing Life/Health Variable Annuity Insurance License.
Previously licensed in Series 6 Securities/Mutual Funds
Facilitator, Participant, Representative for "The Pursuit of Excellence" series of Adult/Professional/Personal development seminars.
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Whenever you have a strong education (a degree in a relevant field or an advanced degree of any kind), be sure you show off your education rather than hide it. Jane should separate the major achievement-- her masters degree--from the lesser achievements she lists in this section. She could make two sections or she could simply leave a blank line after her masters degree. She should also include her bachelor degree. In addition, this section needs to give some sense of chronology. She uses a date that occurred many years ago (1976), the word *currently*, and the word *previously.* Current to what? Previous to what? When did she do these things? It is much too hard for me to figure out the chronology.
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EXPERIENCE
Personal Banking Officer: American Bank, Stadium Branch; June, 1998 to Feb., 1999.
Account Executive: XYZ Long Distance Sales/Service for Businesses; 1-98 to 6-98.
Banking Center Associate: Goods Neargo In-Store Banking; Sacramento, CA., 1996.
Account Executive/Registered Representative: Bank of USA Securities and Insurance; John Adams Financial Services; 1985-1991.
Retail Sales/Marketing: Ben Bridges Jewelers; Meier & Frank Fine Jewelry;, Sears Homelife; Nordstrom, K-Designers Inc., CA
Program Representative: Context Associated, Inc.; Personal & Professional Seminars.
Career and Placement Counselor: Oregon State University Placement Center.
Program Developer/Designer/Trainer: Worker Compensation Job Search Program.
Human Resources Employment Specialist: Packlett, Heward, Oregon 1976.
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This *Experience* section raises more questions than it answers. By including dates on some things and not on others, Jane makes me nervous. I wonder what she is trying to hide and why she had such a long gap in her employment. And the section is much too hard to read. A few basic rules about giving your work history:
1. List all the facts (job title, company name, location, date). If you leave out any of the facts, people think you are hiding something.
2. List each job in the same format. If you are just listing the year and not the month on one job, do the same on the next job. If you put a period after the job title on one job, do that for all the jobs.
3. Remember that you don't have to go back to your very first job. You can simply list your 2 or 3 most recent positions. If you don't want to, you don't have to mention that you worked at Dunkin Donuts when you were 15. Just be sure that you leave out the jobs that were the longest time ago, rather than just leaving out any job you didn't like or aren't proud of. Unexplained gaps on resumes make employers nervous.
4. If you have had both full-time and part-time positions, you may be wise to specify which is which, especially if you are a college student or recent grad. If you don't identify the full-time positions, employers will likely assume that all your experience was part time.
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References available on request
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You do not need to put *References available on request.* Employers assume that you will provide references if asked.
A final comment on formatting: If you are emailing a resume, change the font to courier and check the line breaks before you push send. Many times, the recipient's email package will convert to courier anyway, so you might as well create your resume with that in mind. Also, don't use bolding or underlining for resumes you submit on the Internet. Use a single asterisk instead of a quote mark (or rewrite your sentence to eliminate the need for quotations) since quote marks don't usually translate between email packages. And of course, don't spam people with your resume--sending it in mass emailings to people who didn't ask to receive it.
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