I was talking to my mother last night in an attempt to plan the easiest way to haul my stuff to my new apartment this Saturday. During the course of the conversation, I mentioned to her my genuine disappointment at not being awarded the graduate assistantship at my school. Being the wonderful mother that she is, my mom consoled me and pointed out that I did not necessarily do anything to hurt my chances at the assistantship but rather that the decision was simply not made in my favor.
I have a profound respect for my mother. I admire her not only because she is a superb caregiver, but also because she has been an outstanding mentor. When I look at all she has accomplished including achieving her PhD. I am beyond impressed because I know how much determination it took to elevate her to that achievement. My mother has always gone after what she desired even if there were obstacles in her path. She is a wonderful professor and administrator who studied what interests her while pursuing that passion as a career. Her willingness to devote her energy to a job she truly loves is my motivation to pursue a career in the magazine industry, which I truly love.
I let my mother know that the real despair at not receiving the assistantship was due to the fact that it was another form of rejection. Her response was very basic, but at the same time extremely striking. "You have to learn to accept rejection." How true that statement is! My mindset has always been that once you have been rejected professionally it somehow leaves the impression of loser stamped across your forehead. I spent the better part of a year unemployed, struggling to even buy groceries and I maintain a deep fear that I will inevitably end up in that same spot. Every single time I don't get a job, internship or in this case, assistantship I feel one step closer to falling back into the realm of unemployment. I am already growing paranoid that I will not be able to find a job upon graduating with my Master's degree. My mother's comment about acknowledging rejection as opposed to hiding from it, spoke volumes to my confidence. As a writer, I am somehow used to my words being overlooked or ignored by publishers. When it comes to jobs or internships however, it is like I am being rejected, not simply my words.
I realize I need to rework the manner in which I approach potential job interviews. The confidence I feel regarding other aspects of my life, I need to instill regarding my job search. I am a firm believer that a positive outlook and approach can yield positive results. My admiration for my mother reinforces this view and hopefully, I can use her faith and belief in me to foster my own surge of confidence.