By Vince:

Wouldn't you just LOVE to be able to tell the complete truth about your work history, education, volunteer work, etc?

Wouldn't it be so cool if you could just experience the full joys of writing your resume under the influence of a good shot of Sodium Pentothal (Sodium thiopental) and at last would be able to truthfully say something like:

EMPLOYMENT (In no particular chronological order)

• Ran MLPF Into The Ground For Two Years (2005-2007)
  
• Developed 3 Totally Unusable Software Applications (1983-2007)
  
• Wrote 7 Books No One Can Understand (1985-2006)
  
• Accidentally Increased Company Profits By 5 Million Dollars (1994)
  
• Made Another 3 Dollars By Fully Exhausting a $300,000.00 Marketing Budget (1995-1996)
  
• Dramatically Improved Unemployment Ranks For Entire City of Hartford, CT (1996-1997)
  
• Successfully Depressed One of Central Connecticut's Most Optimistic Sales Teams (1998)
  
• Helped Multi-National Conglomerate Lose Key Personnel for 7 Consecutive Years (1996-03)
  
• Helped Reduce Connecticut's Hopes By 444% (1999-2001)
  

• Did Not Understand Anything At American University - Very attractive girl sat next to me from 1971-1977
  
• Completely Misunderstood My Masters Thesis (1981-1983)
  
• Successfully Spent 37 Years Rewriting My Doctoral Dissertation (1970-2007) (May be able to spend 7 more before having to turn it in circa 2014)
  

• Authored Successful Book Unintended for Publication (Still can't believe how well it sold once it was inadvertently released.)
  

• In Less Than 20 Years, Completely Drained The Joy Out Of 100 Year Old World-Class Church Choir Called "Endless Joy" - (1985-2005)
  

• Consistently Gave My Child and Friends Wrong Advice - (1985-2006)