Great question and an issue we'll probably see more and more of as the younger generation comes on board with little management training. My question is, "Why would you approach this any differently if the manager was older and the colleague was younger?" Part of her attitude may be simply that she feels she has to prove herself to everyone if she's younger. Try to understand her intent or motivation.

In this case, you have to ask yourself if you have the right relationship to approach the supervisor. If you do (i.e., you're on friendly terms and there is an element of trust there), talk to her privately. First reassure her that you think she is very bright and she's doing an excellent job. Then, try to understand what her preferences are for getting work done. Maybe it's as simple as understanding work styles. Also, she may have no idea how she is being perceived (oftentimes, we don't) and may be grateful for the heads up.

No matter what, have this conversation in private and in a one-on-one situation. Make it a dialogue, not a "wisdom of the elders" lesson. She'll likely be very appreciative.

Does this sales supervisor have a colleague that is more approachable? You might ask the colleague for suggestions on the best way to approach this individual.

Has anyone tried the direct approach?

"I appreciate your expertise and I enjoy working for you but when I ask you a question, sometimes the way you respond makes me feel like you think I am an idiot."

Always lead with positives...

She just may appreciate the feedback. There is an outside chance that she does not realize that she is being difficult to approach.

I hope this helps.

Dr. Debi Yohn
Counseling Psychologist
President/Founder of CollegeWorks101.com